Excerpts from
The White Wall
By Jens-Martin Eriksen
Itīs now and forever, and look there, itīs over there, where home is, and Father is sitting beside Sister, and look, her face comes closer, she isnīt very old either, she has blonde hair, and sheīs just been down to the cathedral to be confirmed, and look, it turns into the inside of the church, and she comes walking in front up the aisle, and people, look at their smiling faces, and now the pastor in his long robe, he puts his hand on Sisterīs hair, and then he says her name, and sheīs supposed to say yes, and then thatīs all there is. Then thereīs a sign, and "yes" is written on it in white letters on a black background, and in the meantime the organ is playing, itīs roaring, itīs the organ thatīs roaring just like the sea. And then Sisters face appears again, and the out-of-tune piano plays so fast; and look, now Fatherīs face comes right up close, his shining eyes, they sit there flashing. And then itīs his hand, it moves, that hand, it moves over to Sisterīs thigh, and Sister, she has to say something to Mother, but she canīt say anything, and then Motherīs face appears, but she canīt hear a thing. Motherīs eyes want to look over at Sister, Mother is already sick, and her skin has already started to sink in, and her eyes, theyīre so big, and look, it comes closer, and now only her eyes, and they want out, they want to go over. But now itīs the handlebar moustache it comes closer, it comes all the way forward, and then the mouth opens below it, and itīs full of mangled fish and it moves quite mechanically, and a black sign appears again, and in white letters it says "Mother is sick." And itīs in the ambulance, theyīre driving her away, but just as theyīre about to close the door she wants to get up, she wants to be where itīs called home, and her eyes come right up close, and the ambulance people and Father, they stand pressing on the door, they want to close it, they want to carry her off, and they throw themselves harder and harder against the little door, but it keeps blowing open while the out-of-tune piano plays even faster. And when it blows open, then they come closer again, Motherīs eyes, because she doesnīt want to go away, she wants to stay where itīs called home. But they get it shut, and then when it drives down the street, then itīs now and forever, and the trumpets blow the sound of the ambulance, and the ambulance turns around way off down the street, it gets farther and farther away and keeps boring into the distance, rotating, until itīs nothing but a black dot. And the trumpets keep blowing the sound of the ambulance when they turn all black, and thats when the white letters appear with the word "gone". And thatīs forever too, itīs now and forever, because now the picture comes back, and the piano, and over Fatherīs back, he just came in from the hall, there sits the handlebar mustache holding Sister, and you sit there yourself, and you donīt sit there yourself, because you canīt move, and then Father says you have to go out, because you canīt stay inside all day, and then you have to go down in the basement alone, because you donīt have any eyes anymore. You may not even exist anymore, you may not even stay there, you have to go down and make yourself scarce, you have to spin your globe, and then you have to say words from your mouth, and when they come out you can hear them, and when you hear them they turn into a world. And that world youīre allowed to keep for yourself, itīs the only thing youīre allowed to have, that can be your own, because you donīt have any eyes either. And the picture slowly turns completely black down there, and then it says "Guyaqil" in white letters. And thatīs how you were disappeared, and you were only eight years old, but you were disappeared down there in the dark, and then you were way too far away from what is called home, and it keeps getting farther away from you, it gets so far away, but thatīs now and forever. The piano, which keeps playing, itīs all out of tune, but it keeps on playing. The hands on the clock in the living room that is inside what is called home, they spin around so fast, just as fast as the piano thats playing, because itīs now and forever, because youīre there, but youīre not there, because you donīt have any eyes either. And then Father, he hasnīt even created you yet, you havenīt even become him yet, and Sister, she comes closer, and her eyes, she also has Fatherīs eyes, those shining eyes for now and forever, and she doesnīt want to do that, sheīs just been confirmed and said yes to belonging to God, thatīs what she just said over in church, while all those smiling people sat there and heard it. Then the organ roars again, it keeps roaring just like the sea. And itīs the sea that now starts to fill you with longing. You have to sail on a little ship called "Home", far away, far away home. You have to, sail the whole time, even now, you have to sail now and forever. You have to turn into nothing.
Translated by Steven T. Murray
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