Excerpts from
Bannister
By Kirsten Hammann
When Ramona loses her land and her husband she is taken in by Bannister, who tries to help her start afresh. She is given a roof over her head and clothes for her back, finds work and lovers, but her lost love makes it hard for her to settle down.
Little by little she begins to pick up the pieces.
Ramona edges this way and that round the mass of chair backs and wins through to his table.
- Glad you could make it, says Stanford, shaking her hand.
He pulls out the chair next to his and remains standing until she is seated.
- What would you like?
- Cola, says Ramona.
They drink colas with ice and consider one another. He is very good-looking, smartly dressed too, and it is so warm that he has his shirt open at the neck, exposing his skin. Ramona thinks how easy it would be to put out a hand and stroke that bare patch and Sanford smiles and says he recognized her as soon as she walked out of the school playground.
- But weīve only ever spoken on the "phone, said Ramona.
- True, but I just knew it was you.
Ramona smiles. So many men to choose from when you are only going to love them with half a heart. She had not known Sanford was Sanford and he might just as well have been someone else. He could have been sitting at any other table and still have satisfied the same requirements in the good looks department, the only difference being that she would have been toying with the idea of slipping her hand under a blue shirt rather than a white one. A far cry from where Ramona comes from, a place where people look to find the one and only, because everything has to be real and perfect and love will not settle for less.
Sanford talks about the work he would like her to help him with and Ramona says yes and no and revels in the conversation. Because what they are actually discussing here is what their hands could give and take and when, in what way, how fast they can drain their glasses and leave together.
- I donīt feel I can get any further with my thesis until I have some idea of how you work, Sanford says. - How can you possibly stand up there by the blackboard and be down among the kids?
Ramona finishes her drink and says she does not know.
- You donīt know?
- No.
The silence is good. Ramona sits back in her chair and lets Sanford hold her gaze. Then she says that the last ice cube is lying on her tongue and hurting with a pain she needs to share with him. It is so easily said and Sanford knows exactly what she means. He opens her mouth with his fingers so the red-hot kiss can penetrate far enough and the ice melts and leaves them wringing wet, eye to eye and with faces laid bare.
In a nearby hotel room they consummate their meeting for hours on end. There is so much to love when there is nothing left to lose. Ramona kisses Sanford with a passion that only can come from the heart and Sanford brings out his and crushes it unconditionally at her feet to show that, had he more than just the one, he would not hide it from her.
Laudable it is. And sweet and warm, and there is something very solemn in that they cannot tell his and her skin apart. But when they reach the point where Ramona has to go, they stand outside the main entrance, each with their heart in their hand and Ramona cannot help but notice that she only has the half of what she usually has. Ah yes, she has given him every beat it struck, she has rationed nothing, nothing at all; which is just as it should be. Except for the fact that this completeness has cut itself back to half of something that once was a whole.
If Ramona were to bake a long Swiss roll and the cat were to hop up onto the table and eat half of it, she might be forced to cut off the end and serve the cake anyway. But of course her guests do not see any of that. What they see is a whole cake, and they thank Ramona for being so generous, for sharing everything she has with them.
Such is Bannisterīs world - pleased as Punch with the fraction"s ability to resemble the number one. A new sort of mathematics which only serves to emphasize the necessity of Ramona keeping up in class. Sanford adds the numbers together and eyes her keenly:
- Well, but youīve given me everything you had and thatīs enough for me!
Ramona turns away and walks down the steps, making him no reply.
Translated by Barbara Haveland
|
|
